I’m trying my best not to feel too sombre as I write this post, because I’m sitting here in pain, as my back has flared up again. I go into the reasons after you’ve watched (hopefully!) the video below, if you can spare 10 minutes to listen to me talking about things and explaining where I’m at currently. So try not to read ahead until you’ve watched it 😉
So post-video, I was in pain and spasm with the usual feeling of compression around my lower lumbar spine. This was from being on the bike for all of twenty minutes. I could scream, I really could. As not only have I stopped running in the hope I’d be able to cross train on my bike, I can now do neither.
Here is how my back looks, just from that short period of time pedalling:
Like I said in the video, if my back was starting to feel bad, I would stop. Good job I did, as the spasm would have been much worse. You can see from the image how my pelvis has tilted downwards to the left (as I face you), or more accurately, how it’s being pulled up from my right side due to the spasm, so it makes me look like I’m leaning sideways and this is not exaggerated; I tried to stand as straight as my body allowed it.
I can’t even begin to describe how frustrated I feel. Prior to getting on the bike, my back was in its ‘okay’ state and now it’s not. The above pic only illustrates a minor spasm, but it’s now ripe for a far more debilitating one, if I’m not careful. I’ve since had diazepam to relax the spasm and muscles along with strong painkillers and NSAIDs.
Why did I even try? Knowing I’m working away this weekend with a four hour drive to get there, which is bad enough on my back.
All I’m told is “strengthen your core” but I’m not convinced this is the issue. There is pressure at the base of my spine which eventually causes a lot of pain from whatever nerves are being pinched, and then I spasm. I’ve had seven years of being fobbed off with physio by doctors, and specialists not willing to send me for an MRI or CT as they don’t deem it “bad enough”!? Surely that’s my sodding decision whether it’s bad enough or not! It’s really affecting my life and I desperately want to know what is causing this with the hope it can potentially be ‘fixed’, but no healthcare professionals seem to listen or give a shit. What the hell must one person do to make doctors actually listen and see how it is affecting your life!?
I was quite positive before I got on the turbo trainer this afternoon, and now, well….I just don’t know what to say or do any more.
Perhaps I should just be a lazy remote-control-twiddling obese individual who does sweet FA all day? I mean what’s the worst I could get, RSI? Sores on my ass?
But I can’t do that. I won’t do that. I’ve been physically active, outdoors, my whole life and will be until I collapse and die.
So now I am incredibly frustrated, angry and worried.
Where to go now.